Usually, I have great cause to boast about my wife, especially how well she did raising our kids.
However, this time, I type with a heavy heart. I have to indict her.
As you can see from the photo above, she trained our children to ridicule people who are overweight.
Not only did she encourage these impressionable children to stuff their clothes with pillows, she taught them to strut and shake and bounce about. Then, she wasn’t happy to keep her heartless impresario behind closed doors, she paraded the kids down the street.
This was a lot of years ago. But, I will publicly apologize for her regardless.
If you witnessed this iniquity, these children harangued into this entourage of insult, please accept this long overdue mea culpa.
Still, you ask, why?
How could this otherwise lovely and caring woman be so inured to the suffering of the obese? What triggered this abomination? How could she do this?
On her behalf, I plead post-traumatic stress. She endured intense years of child-rearing; she obviously flipped out. We just had too many kids too close in age. Sorry twins. But, yes. It is your fault.
The birthing cycle began in early 1983 and ended in the Spring of 1989.
From birthdate to birthdate, that’s six years, 25 days — for five kids.
So, as you might expect, this deranged mom was stuck at home without another large human many days (I worked a lot of overtime back then) with five children 6 years old and younger. Twins add a measure of tension and pressure not easily understood, too.
Hopefully, you will find it in your hearts to grant her at least a small measure of forgiveness. She was obviously not in her right mind.
Again, however, I will not try to sugarcoat her misdeeds. She, and she alone, perpetrated this politically incorrect outrage.
I implore you, do not blame the children. They were only hapless pawns — crudely manipulated marionettes in the grip of a madwoman.
And, unfortunately, she’s still mad.
I informed her of my plan for this public plea for absolution, this soul-baring, my hope to post an apology for all to see.
I asked her to join me. I wanted her to at least try to wipe this black mark from her soul. You can probably guess the response.
Essentially, it was: “Fat chance.”